


as we lay

by chefsizzle8



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Fluff, M/M, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 16:12:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chefsizzle8/pseuds/chefsizzle8
Summary: Mo Guanshan and He Tian finally lay down together on their first night as a couple and talk about things.





	as we lay

**Author's Note:**

> lol follow my instagram @ chef.sizzle for some art content
> 
> GUYS i wrote this while listening to ilomilo by billie eilish so im like crying please go check it outs, its so tianshan
> 
> ok i suck hehe. its really short and bad, probs a LOT of grammar mistakes but like. pls dont hate me im just trying to provide some tianshan content. i'll definitely try to work on more stories so i can get better at writing but hehe i hope u enjoy

     No one ever told him that being embraced by the golden glow of the sun while he was under the covers was the best way to awaken. No one ever told him that the outlook of the vast city through humongous windows was an exhilarating sight; or told him that the sky could be painted such vivid shades of purples, oranges, and reds at this time in the evening. No one told him that tangling his legs in the cool covers had to be the most rejuvenating feeling in the world, accompanied by another pair. Most definitely, no one told him that the arm hooking around his bare waist made him feel safer than he’d ever felt. He knew where he was, he knew this is where he should be.

     A pair of honey brown eyes had peered through the lull of drowsiness with struggle. Following the notion, came a heavy sigh through his nostrils and regaining what little strength he had from a long day, and he pushed himself up with one numb arm. The resistance of what felt like a belt around his waist hadn’t alarmed him, but his eyes still wandered down leisurely to the arm hugging it. The unwelcomed movement had caused the other to stir, which lead to Mo Guanshan tracing his eyes up every curvature of his muscular arm until he reached his partners face. He Tian was here and with him.

     The contrast of warm flesh and black hair against the ivory bedding was an arresting sight. Carefully, Mo had lifted a hand to brush away the black strands that shielded He Tian’s eyes. The redhead had never seen the man look more at peace while he slept, for other times were brutally interrupted by night terrors. Moreover, he had never seen He Tian more at peace with _him_. Considering their past disputes that were mainly provoked on Mo Guanshans part, it hit him in waves of cold sweat but also felt fulfilled for himself and the other. Shoving the thoughts from his head, the boy twisted his body and patted around on the mattress until he could find his cellphone. After retrieving it from under his pillow, he rubbed his eyes and squinted into the harsh blue light. 7:15 pm it read. They had slept quite a long time. And boy, did he have quite a lot of notifications consisting of frantic texts from his mother and Jian Yi.

     Mo’s hand recovered it’s position on his forehead briefly, before sweeping down on his features. Of course, last night was horrendous. So horrendous that texting his mom to let him know of his whereabouts was forgotten of. Mo typed a quick text, apologetic, a little lengthy, just to let her know that he was okay. He really was. He was more than okay, actually; he felt revived. Better than he had in a while. It wasn’t long after that when his mother had responded with words of quick relief, surprised she hadn’t taken things to drastic measures. That was one thing out of the way.

     A quick glance at the time, 7:20 pm, before he set his phone back down. Mo hunched his shoulders with ease, turning his gaze once more to the sleeping man beside him. Drowsiness immersed his aching muscles, so he gave in to the feeling and dropped back into the sheets with a relentless thud. A groan came from the body next to him, his arm retreating from around Mo’s body to save his eyes from the light of the flamboyant sunset. “You’re awake,” Mo hummed. He noticed his first words were scratchy. Scratchy from yelling, sore from crying, and throbbing from the groans he emitted just hours before. He Tian’s eyes parted open to reveal his caliginous eyes, “Mornin’,” a faint smirk appearing on his pale lips.

     Mo caught that, for they were the lips he had been watching all night as they threw multiple harsh, yet truthful, words at him. Threw his name around from time to time, too, while they were both enjoying their after party. Both of them had suffered a myriad of emotions that would never end until one of them called it quits. Mo Guanshan couldn’t recall who had put a stop to it, but he didn’t want to know who had.

     The redhead then supported himself up on his elbows, his eyes twinkling at the other despite his furrowed features. “What time is it?” He Tian questioned, a hand coming up to massage the curve of Mo’s neck. “Late. We slept for a long time,” Mo murmured, falling into the sensation of having He Tian’s hand on him. He also scrunched his nose - both his and He Tian’s breath both stank of morning (more like evening) karma. He Tian had realized it too but instead pulled Mo closer in a flippant manner. Every inch closer was the tangy, sour odor of stress cigarettes. Mo feigned a gag, “Your breath smells of cigarettes, go brush your teeth,” He Tian only gave a low chuckle. “We’re already in bed this late, why should we get up? Stay with me for a little longer,” the raven-haired male pleaded with a fake pout, both arms coming around to grasp Mo on both sides.

     An agitated sigh came out of his mouth, shaking his head, “Fine, fine. But no funny business, I’m sore,” at this point, Mo wasn’t sure what soreness he should be referencing. “I wasn’t going to do anything, can’t I just cuddle with you, Little Mo?” He Tian cooed. Mo slid down again, letting He Tian’s arm replace the pillow under his head. The bigger male pulled the covers up to their shoulders again, all while their eyes held each other. For Mo, it was hard not to think of the previous night while looking into He Tians eyes. The anger they had held just hours before they slept, were now overflowing with serenity.

Prior to their fallout, both Mo and He Tian were in denial. Both of their cups were full, and the surface that was holding the cups was trembling.

_“You can’t decide jackshit for me, motherfucker,” Mo had spat in He Tian’s face. “Since when were you the boss of what I do? Why does it even matter?” he had pushed further. “Oh, please Mo Guanshan, don’t act like you don’t need help,” He Tian responded, seemingly calm. “You shouldn’t be acting all high and mighty, you aren’t my fucking therapist. Your input is useless to me,” Mo fisted He Tian’s black shirt, “you want to help me but you need to figure out your own shit.” Upon fisting his shirt, he used it to forcefully shove He Tian away._

_He Tian stumbled back one or two steps, but his eyes were now glowering with impatience, “_ What  _shit do I need to figure out?” With a tense stature, Mo Guanshan intertwined his arms and scoffed, “You’re basically a bastard, with your fucking daddy problems, and your family is deranged. You disappear without a trace - or without letting anyone know, for like, days? Weeks? Your first and last resort to solving problems is always violence. But in reality, you’d have to be the weakest person I know,” He noticed how He Tian’s lips pressed together in a thin line._

 _A fire had lit inside Mo Guanshan’s chest. Small, but big enough to grant Guanshan the satisfaction he deserved. “You’re annoying as shit. All you do is make me clean your house and make your food - and you’re offering me_ help _? With what emotional depth? You’ve got none, He Tian, you’re not fucking human. You’re the worst piece of sh-” before he could finish his words, He Tian approached him rapidly and drove his body into the brick wall of the convenience store alley. “You, shut the fuck up now before I seriously mess you up,” He Tian growled, prodding a harsh finger to Mo’s sternum. “You’re just exactly proving my point,” Mo Guanshan lowered his voice with a laugh of disbelief lingering in his words, all while maintaining the harsh eye contact._

_He Tian’s iris’ were dyed in the opaque color of ink, but despite this, Mo Guanshan could detect the fury he was about to discharge. At this point, there was no backing out now. He knew what was going to happen. It always ended like this. Guanshan managed to bark out as much as he could before it ended, “this is the shit you do. Beat me whenever I say something that doesn’t satisfy you. You piece of shit-” and just like that, the first punch was landed._

 

     Mo rubbed over his cheek which sustained such injury, though he liked to think that it wasn’t noticeable. It was. The first attack made on him, he could tell He Tian was holding back. Everything else after that was a blur. Besides them getting into bed together and Mo crying while they made love. Besides He Tian whispering the sweet nothings and sorry’s. Besides the male grunting Mo’s name in his ear. The thought had burned Mo Guanshan’s ears and face. So awkward. The feeling of He Tian’s thumbs tenderly wiped his tears from hours ago still burned and tingled on his cheekbones and lips. The other male who was snug in the covers had followed his movements, night eyes stealing sorrowful glances at the cheekbone that was blooming with purple flowers.

     “Listen,” He Tian whispered, dragging his fingers lightly over Mo Guanshan’s shoulder, “I wanted to talk to you - ‘bout last night.” Mo didn’t say anything, but he scooted in closer so that his eyelashes fluttered against He Tian’s built chest. He could hear an audible swallow, nervously, before the black haired male spoke. They were huddled together now, He Tian using his pillow arm to drag his fingers on Mo’s shoulder. He Tian was no longer looking down at Mo Guanshan’s head, which was buried in the sound of his heartbeat. He shifted his gaze to the ceiling before beginning to speak, eyes following the torturingly slow rotation of the fan. He Tian needed something to distract him as he spoke. “When I was little,” He Tian began, noticing that his own voice carried to a more solemn tone. “The only one there for me, when I was little, was my brother.

     “Much like you, I had troubles with my father. Well, I still have troubles with him,” He Tian took in a breath through his teeth. The other was silent and He Tian had hoped that he wasn’t asleep. However, Mo Guanshan was all ears. “We don’t get along, but I also don’t get along with my brother that much either,” silently, in the back of his head, He Tian took account of the instances where He Cheng would assist him and his friends. Despite this, the memory of his underlings attempting to take Jian Yi away was a different story. What horrified him the most was the nagging thought of Mo Guanshan being their next victim. “I grew up with the belief that crying was a sign of weakness; grew up being taught that if I could not be strong enough, my life would obliterate in a matter of a few, small events,” Mo Guanshan noticed his pause. It chanted, should I continue? He wanted He Tian to keep going. “My brother, often times, got hurt in response to me showing care for others,” at this moment, his words became laced with a sour tune.

     Instead, He Tian assured, “But that’s a story for another day.” A chuckle rolled smoothly past his lips. God, how Mo could drool over such a pleasant sound being oozed from He Tian.

     “I’m not going to say much else, but my father and brother were the ones who persuaded me to be this way, I-” he cut himself off, inhaling such a shaky breath that Mo Guanshan believed it shattered, “I learned how to fight, how to win, how to conquer. The only way to get to the top, so no one could fuck me over,” He Tian began his small list, “was to bully them into submission, cause them physical or emotional harm, fuck with their head and feelings, sometimes even charm them.” There was another pause, an aching silence coming from He Tian that made him want to stop. However, he knew that Mo Guanshan was listening and would be disappointed if he stopped there. “Maybe I did them out of pure indignation, but another part of me was just - scared, but,” the last word came out hoarse, a chip of He Tian breaking away from his facade. Mo waited for him to continue, waited for him to settle the ache of his heart he had for the other. He Tian then turned his head down to the cradled redhead, whose eyes were staring directly at his chest - as if He Tian’s heart was telling him his faults and reasons behind them.

     “I was scared of you the most.”

     Mo Guanshan’s felt like his heart had doubled over, dropped, sunk, whatever could describe what he felt. His breath relayed a couple of times, though quietly. A wave of emotions - ones he could not indicate, were overwhelming when they flooded his body with a cold sweat. “Why?” the redhead managed to say, letting his jaw pulse with the grip of his teeth. “You,” He Tian almost sounded relieved. For what, Mo Guanshan didn’t know. “When I first encountered you, I thought it’d be fun to have a new toy,” He Tian hummed admittedly, in which Mo Guanshan did not retort to. “But you were different. I couldn’t take you down as easily as I thought I could. I felt no mercy for those who I hurt or lured in with my ways, but you,” the trace of He Tian’s fingers on Mo Guanshan’s shoulders had stopped, catching the other off guard. The hand moved to comb the chestnut hair with fondness and soft love; Mo Guanshan could feel his throat tighten with a ball of restraint. “I felt horrid after hurting you. Each time. But I figured, I could still make him submit to me, and I wouldn’t have these feelings for you once you did so.

     “But goddamn it, I couldn’t, and you wouldn’t. You fucking didn’t,” regardless of the harsh words, it didn’t feel like a threat, a burden, a crime. It felt like uncontrollable love and heartbreak. It began to materialize in front of Mo Guanshan and he bit down on his lip in hopes of withdrawing pain. Something to outweigh the heaviness he had in the thing beating inside his chest - to outweigh He Tian, who was currently occupying his heart. “I found myself chasing after you whenever I could, to annoy you intentionally, just to see you,” it sounded as if He Tian let out his last breath, but it was then replaced with a deep inhale through his nostrils. Mo Guanshan was speechless, but he was now more willing to embrace He Tian than ever before. To comfort him, let him know that he could stop thinking about such things.

     “Mo Guanshan, I’m so sorry,” he started, pressing his hand that wasn’t trapped under Mo, against the small of his back, “I never intended to hurt you ever. Believe me.” Mo nodded, treasuring the words as he closed his eyes. “I just care about you, so, so much,” He Tian carefully placed a chaste, but sweet, kiss on Mo’s forehead, “too damn much. It hurts to see you struggling, and I want to help. I want to be that person you can confide in and love you.” As if it were a cue, the smaller male shifted his head so he'd be looking up at He Tian, “That.. thank you. For telling me. I wish you would have told me sooner,” the knot in Mo Guanshan’s throat began to build up. Hell fucking no, he was not about to cry. He wouldn’t allow himself too. He took a short pause in order to reset himself, then continue. “I’m truly sorry too. I shouldn’t have said such things to you, fuck.

     Such sweet exchanges were foreign between the two, but they knew there wouldn’t be a chance like this in the future. They knew they were in this together, that communication was key. They knew that had to put an end to the violence - to Mo Guanshan’s retorts based on his low self-esteem and to end He Tian from using his violent circuit. In reality, they were normal human beings. The faults they claim to have, are not as prominent as they think. In a way, they are connected by the soul and through their common difficulties.

     He Tian lifted his hand to cup against Mo’s cheek, brushing against the small bruise that had announced its presence, then replacing the trail of skin with his lips. After that, the redhead had found himself lost in his significant others eyes again, welcoming the comfortable embrace it offered. Mo closed his eyes again, his features sluggish.

     “Somehow, I’m more tired than before.”


End file.
